Entertainment Aboard the Brown: Surviving a World without Wi-Fi

In some ways, living aboard a research vessel is like going back to a simpler time: a time before internet.  Or at least, a time when the internet was slow and precious… like maybe the 1990’s.  We swing between the extremes of coffee-shop-speed internet and inching along at the speed of AOL version 1.0.  Except it often doesn’t load at all, so there’s no knowing if “you’ve got mail!” 

This may come as a surprise to millennial readers, but it actually hasn’t been that painful to go without internet, probably because most everyone on board has very little leisure time to begin with.  What is left is spent reading, reflecting, and even (God forbid!) having real life conversations with other human beings.

In case you don’t have the audacity to attempt that last option, here’s a survival guide of things you can do if you find yourself in a Wi-Fi crisis aboard the RHB.

1.     Watch a Movie

The RHB is equipped with a movie lounge, brimming with leather recliners sporting a huge flat screen TV!  There are also binders upon binders of DVDs to choose from, and screenings of new releases are scheduled every evening.  It pays to have navy connections—they send us boxes of new DVD’s around the time that they hit theaters!  For a while, this room was mostly dedicated to screening real time football games.  Yes, real time.  How we lack Wi-Fi but manage to get perfect cable TV in the middle of the S. Pacific is beyond me, and is a gleaming testament to the American dedication to sports.

2.     Read

I hear it’s like watching a movie, except in your head.  The RHB has an extensive collection of books with genres spanning Ocean and Maritime themed, Popular Fiction, and the full “for Dummies” training book collection.  There’s also a variety of board games to explore, although I’ve yet to see one picked up outside of the ship’s board game night (another wonderful way to pass the time).

3.     Go Outside

This one even applies on land.  But on the Brown, some truly spectacular views await you if you step out onto the bow or venture out of the sampling bay.  However, this option is very limited by weather conditions.  Previously, going outside had been a good way to get drenched in S. Pacific surface water and possibly fall flat on your butt. Now, though, there’s a very good chance you’ll spot an iceberg! And possibly even some penguins playing slip-n-slide on top of it!

4.     Send stuff to the bottom of the ocean!

Funny thing about the bottom of the ocean:  there’s a lot of pressure down there.  Usually this is the bane of an oceanographer’s existence.  It crushes sensors and implodes landers and makes everything much more expensive to produce.  But somewhere along the line, an oceanographer realized they could use it to their advantage, to shrink stuff!  If you put a Styrofoam cup down to 4000m, it comes back a lot smaller (see pictures).  And if you color said cup with sharpie it makes for a once-in-a-lifetime souvenir of your time at sea.  The effect is particularly cool with the Styrofoam heads you can find at a beauty salon. You just have to be very careful to position the laundry-bag full of Styrofoam well on the CTD rosette, so as to not disrupt any of the sensitive equipment going down.  It’s a task best left to experts.  Disclaimer: for some reason, Styrofoam plates do NOT shrink well.  They turn thin like a potato chip and crumple, but maintain their original diameter. 

5.     PLAY BINGO!

The RHB has the best BINGO scene ever experienced outside of a nursing home.  You will soon find yourself chanting along with the regulars.  “Under the B, 10!” “Ouch!” The best part, by far, though, is the prizes.  You may find yourself going home with a keychain sized barrel-o-monkeys game, assorted candy, Ron Brown swag, or even one of the coveted hand-drawn bookmarks designed by our own Bruce Cowden.  This season’s theme is Easter Island Moai statues.

6.      Go shopping at the Ship’s Store

At this point you’ve convinced yourself that the culture of the Brown is something you never want to forget.  So pick yourself up a branded T-shirt or custom spill-proof mug at the ship’s store! Operated by Mike Lastinger for 20 minutes after dinner each night, all proceeds to towards morale boosting activity for the crew (and sometimes scientists, to boot!).