Entertainment Aboard the Brown: Surviving a World without Wi-Fi
In some ways, living aboard a research vessel is like going
back to a simpler time: a time before internet.
Or at least, a time when the internet was slow and precious… like maybe
the 1990’s. We swing between the
extremes of coffee-shop-speed internet and inching along at the speed of AOL
version 1.0. Except it often doesn’t
load at all, so there’s no knowing if “you’ve got mail!”
This may come as a surprise to millennial readers, but it
actually hasn’t been that painful to go without internet, probably because most
everyone on board has very little leisure time to begin with. What is left is spent reading, reflecting,
and even (God forbid!) having real life conversations with other human beings.
In case you don’t have the audacity to attempt that last
option, here’s a survival guide of things you can do if you find yourself in a
Wi-Fi crisis aboard the RHB.
1.
Watch a Movie
The RHB is equipped with a movie
lounge, brimming with leather recliners sporting a huge flat screen TV! There are also binders upon binders of DVDs
to choose from, and screenings of new releases are scheduled every evening. It pays to have navy connections—they send us
boxes of new DVD’s around the time that they hit theaters! For a while, this room was mostly dedicated
to screening real time football games.
Yes, real time. How we lack Wi-Fi
but manage to get perfect cable TV in the middle of the S. Pacific is beyond
me, and is a gleaming testament to the American dedication to sports.
2.
Read
I hear it’s like watching a movie,
except in your head. The RHB has an
extensive collection of books with genres spanning Ocean and Maritime themed,
Popular Fiction, and the full “for Dummies” training book collection. There’s also a variety of board games to
explore, although I’ve yet to see one picked up outside of the ship’s board
game night (another wonderful way to pass the time).
3.
Go Outside
This one even applies on
land. But on the Brown, some truly
spectacular views await you if you step out onto the bow or venture out of the
sampling bay. However, this option is very
limited by weather conditions. Previously,
going outside had been a good way to get drenched in S. Pacific surface water
and possibly fall flat on your butt. Now, though, there’s a very good chance
you’ll spot an iceberg! And possibly even some penguins playing slip-n-slide on
top of it!
4.
Send stuff to the bottom of the ocean!
Funny thing about the bottom of
the ocean: there’s a lot of pressure
down there. Usually this is the bane of
an oceanographer’s existence. It crushes
sensors and implodes landers and makes everything much more expensive to
produce. But somewhere along the line,
an oceanographer realized they could use it to their advantage, to shrink
stuff! If you put a Styrofoam cup down
to 4000m, it comes back a lot smaller (see pictures). And if you color said cup with sharpie it
makes for a once-in-a-lifetime souvenir of your time at sea. The effect is particularly cool with the
Styrofoam heads you can find at a beauty salon. You just have to be very
careful to position the laundry-bag full of Styrofoam well on the CTD rosette,
so as to not disrupt any of the sensitive equipment going down. It’s a task best left to experts. Disclaimer: for some reason, Styrofoam plates
do NOT shrink well. They turn thin like
a potato chip and crumple, but maintain their original diameter.
5.
PLAY BINGO!
The RHB has the best BINGO scene
ever experienced outside of a nursing home.
You will soon find yourself chanting along with the regulars. “Under the B, 10!” “Ouch!” The best part, by
far, though, is the prizes. You may find
yourself going home with a keychain sized barrel-o-monkeys game, assorted
candy, Ron Brown swag, or even one of the coveted hand-drawn bookmarks designed
by our own Bruce Cowden. This season’s
theme is Easter Island Moai statues.
6.
Go
shopping at the Ship’s Store
At this point you’ve convinced
yourself that the culture of the Brown is something you never want to
forget. So pick yourself up a branded
T-shirt or custom spill-proof mug at the ship’s store! Operated by Mike Lastinger
for 20 minutes after dinner each night, all proceeds to towards morale boosting
activity for the crew (and sometimes scientists, to boot!).